♪ Jitsu wa Boku II♪

Sometimes, my wonder grew as I’m breathing, inhale and exhale more air.

What is the mean beneath the word of SINCERE, HONEST?

It’s me. I even could not to be sincere and honest all the way I am. Not like Julya or Ain-chan who’s bravely throw all their thought, feeling and stories out in their blogs. Uhm. They are very..Uh. I really admire them. Julya-chan wrote all the things crept-out from her minds and Ain-chan seem very putting the effort of expressing her emotion and feelings into her blog. Although, some time I didn’t take note what Ain-chan really and what the posts is really about. 

I never thought that I ever been truly sincere or honest to myself or even to the others.

Julya once confess to me that julya-chann.blogspot.com is a kind of life journal to her. So, that’s why she excitedly  giggle for blogging. I just said then, why don’t she use a Diary instead of a blog. Uh. Her answer was really intriguing me..A Diary will soon discovered and red by other..But a Blog will red by no others.. Oh. Really?

WHO AM I REALLY?

This is the Part II ( Jitsu wa Boku ).

I’m discovered that part of myself is still invisible. Perhaps, I still have no idea who I am really. At the age of over 20th now. Yeah. I am not a teenagers anymore. An early adults. But still, act like a teenagers. Hanging here, there and keep doing nonsense routine. Have no proper planning  towards building a bright future. Its give me a terrible headache sometimes to figure out what I am really in future.

~A PERSON WHO HAVE NO PASSION ~                                                  

It’s I knew that I have no passion towards all the things I do. Its silly me as just at this moment I realize that  throughout all these 3 years spending my time in completing Diploma in Hotel Management I’m actually have no passion for it and just come in my mind to complete the course. At last, the result is I found that to accommodate myself into hotel line is inconsiderably pretty hard. And there is no passion to live up an ambition for myself.

~I’M WITH MY DREAM WORLD ~                                                                                                                                                It’s I’m too busy with my dream world. Without an action a dream is impossible. Frankly, I didn’t have a really close friend from my childhood who you can called as Best Friends. Uh. May be, all this period I am feeling very secure by the fantasy of my mind. By now, I will have to find okane by myself and working by my own.

~AKUMA REALLY OF  MYSELF~                                                                                                                                              I never want to confess that I am an Akuma. But, well its really suits me. More or less. I getting so much bad than I thought now. Its I bad enough as :

I have no idea how many months now not seeing my mother or contact her. For not slapping my younger sister who run away from home and teach her the proper way to be a teenager. For hating my father who’s drunken and have no idea how to stop him. For my new family that the fact I’m feeling not comfortable enough to live with. Even they are really nice people. For my aunt that I’m so silly staying at under her roofs and lazy to give help over the business.

Ima, I’m trying to be honest to myself. To reveal the Real Face of me, so that I’m no longer in that insecure Fantasy World. I honestly don’t want to write so much bad things about myself in my blog.. It’s already make me feel kowai that so much bad attitude belong to me.

I don’t want to feel guilty. But its just into me sometimes. All the thing that happens.

Then..

Hereby is my confession.

There is  only that I want to write right now..An Akuma is what I want to overcome right now. The 3 things what I just wrote is somehow really what I am. I truly sorry for myself that its was me really.

Now..

At this moment..

and

To the future..

I want to be a new Myehunnn…without Akuma.

I will be, definitely! I might not can change the situation of my family. My dad who’s drinks, my sister not well behaved, my mom who’s I never heard now,my new family that is me can’t really make them a real family, and my self who’s swinging the mood all the way. I have no idea how I am in the future. But I want to be better than what I am now.

…

…………

Then…about my result of semester six of Idustrial Training..which is also the last semester of diploma in Hotel Management.. It’s quite okay. I got A- over the last minutes assignment, I didn’t sleep the night before I submit the report and was crazily  preparing for the presentation. I guess, its because my panel is doing so much good to my group and let me slip to pass. Thank You very much to Miss Jaz and Mdm Aishah. Domo Arigato.

…

Ja……Bai!